Can't do nothing properly!

Drawing by SRS One day dad went into McDonald’s for a burger but it was quite busy and he had to wait in line. Also, the teenage staff weren’t very efficient: one was flirting with a boy, another was talking on her phone, and another was just plain slow and useless full stop.

Dad got more and more impatient. He had a terrible hangover and all he wanted was a nice greasy burger to throw to the pain in his gut.

Finally, he got to the head of the queue and grumpily placed his order but was told it wasn’t ready and could he wait a couple minutes. That got him steaming mad.

“Call that fast food,” he sneered.

Even worse, when the burger eventually came, they forgot to put the fries in the bag. When Dad got to the car and looked in the bag—no fries. That really got him totally enraged so he stormed back in the restaurant, demanded to see the manager, shouted and screamed and made a terrible scene.

The manager was very polite and tried to calm Dad down, even gave him the money back. But the rage was on Dad big time. There was no reasoning with him.

Spraying little droplets and bubbles of spit, he bellowed at the manager, “useless bunch of wankers, can’t even serve customers properly, can’t even pack a bag up properly! Can’t do up an order properly! Can’t do nothing properly!”

And then he threw the paper bag containing the offending burger at the manager, or tried to. But with the red mist of rage upon him, Dad was shaking so much the bag slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor. Then Dad turned around and stormed out of the restaurant and never went back.

In the car he realised that in fact he hadn’t actually ordered or paid for any fries. So it was all his fault, and he felt bad about that but didn’t do anything about it. The girl who had served him was fired a couple days later, not just for the one incident but for a whole lot of things of which the scene with Dad was just the last straw from management’s point of view.

NIGHTMERRIES book cover by SRS

Being fired from McDonald’s was the start of a whole series of unfortunate developments for the young waitress, culminating in addiction, destitution and prostitution. Getting bashed up nightly and fucked up daily. She blamed Dad for all her woes, and became more and more bitter and more and more irrational about the afternoon she was fired from her job at McDonald’s for not being able to pack up a bag properly.

Over the course of a number of years living rough on the street, dwelling over what might have been, she formulated a plan for revenge—throw hydrochloric acid into Dad’s face.



eBooks by Cosmic Rapture
(for kindle, tablet, smartphone or e-reader.)

NIGHTMERRIES: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF DARKNESS. This so-called "book" will chew you up, spit you out, and leave you twitching and frothing on the carpet. More than 60 dark and feculent fictions (read ‘em and weep) copiously and grotesquely illustrated.

AWAREWOLF & OTHER CRHYMES AGAINST HUMANITY (Vot could be Verse?). We all hate poetry, right? But we might make an exception for this sick and twisted stuff. This devil's banquet of adults-only offal features more than 50 satanic sonnets, vitriolic verses and odious odes.

MANIC MEMES & OTHER MINDSPACE INVADERS. A disturbing repository of quirky quotes, sayings, proverbs, maxims, ponderances, adages and aphorisms. This menagerie holds no fewer than 184 memes from eight meme-species perfectly adapted to their respective environments.

MASTRESS & OTHER TWISTED TAILS. An unholy corpus of oddities, strangelings, bizarritudes and peculiaritisms, including but not limited to barbaric episodes of herring-flinging and kipper-kissing. A cacklingly bizarre read that may induce fatal hysteria. Not Recommended!

FIENDS & FREAKS and serpents, dragons, devils, lobsters, anguished spirits, hungry ghosts, hell-beings, zombies, organ-grinders, anti-gods, gods and other horse-thieves you wouldn't want to meet in a dark cosmos. Immature Content! Adults Maybe.

HAGS TO HAGGIS. An obnoxious folio featuring a puke of whiskey-soaked war-nags, witches, maniacs, manticores and escapegoats. Not to mention (please don't!) debottlenecking and desilofication, illustrated. Take your brain for a walk on the wild side. Leave your guts behind.